But sometimes you just wish now wasn't now. You wish it was tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year. Life can be so unbearable that you have no idea how you are going to face the next five minutes let alone the next day. Even so, we all have to eventually come to the conclusion that the future will continue to come whether we like it or not, and we're going to have to deal with the now. You can't avoid now, no matter how hard you try. You can put off things, but you'll never escape--it just doesn't work that way.
So...what to do? NOW? How do you face the unbearable?
Different things obviously work for different people. There are a lot of lists out there suggesting things you can do to lift your spirits, so I'm adding to the list suggestions that often work for me. So read through the list and take what you think will work best for you and your circumstances.
- Get a change of scenery. Often if I am bummed out, one of the first things I'll try to look at is if I'm doing the same thing over and over--hum drum every day. Obviously we can't escape everything--we still have to go to work, school, or similar activities nearly every day. But even a small change of scenery can really help. Have you wanted to go up the canyon "sometime"? Do it now! You don't have to make a day trip out of it, just go and breathe some fresh air. Something about going somewhere new, or somewhere you don't usually go, is really helpful to change your perspective on life--things don't have to be the same as you've kept them in your routine. If it isn't working for you, try something different. If that doesn't work, try something else different. Something is bound to click, and you'll be sure to discover new things that perk your interest that you can add to your routine once and a while to shake things up.
- Don't isolate yourself. This is one I have to try really hard not to do. When you're feeling down, it's easy to want to shut the world out and just put a "go away" sign on your door. Everyone needs alone time. That time is absolutely necessary. But it isn't good to be spending the majority of your time alone, especially if you're down. It may be the very last thing you want to do is be with people, but it really does help. You don't have to go out and suddenly become the life of the party. Even just sitting by other people, even if you aren't saying much, is somehow helpful. Humans are social creatures. We're not meant to be alone.
- Put things into perspective. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by all the things that have happened and will happen that I just feel like even attempting to lift that load will crush me flat. And frankly, it probably will. So what to do? Get some perspective. What's the bottom line? From a religious perspective, this is earth life, which means this trial(s) won't last forever. As long and as horrible as whatever you are bearing may have lasted and will last, it WILL end. The next step, from an earthly perspective, is that all you have to deal with (as we so often say) is today. But really, all you have to deal with is this second. Right now. If I have something that I have in the future that daunts me, it often helps me to make a plan like this: spend 45 minutes working on the task, whatever it may be, then tell yourself you are done for the day. Now pat yourself on the back. You got closer to figuring out whatever it was. Good job! It may not be finished, but you don't need to worry about that today. You've done all you can do on it for today, and it's enough. Now focus your attention on something else and keep going with your day. This is so relieving and freeing of a practice to me because it relieves me of feeling like I have to keep worrying about the problem all the time, which is miserable. I hope it works for you.
- Do something you love. This won't apply to all times or all people, because sometimes you're so overwhelmed with things to do that adding anything to the list will just feel overwhelming. But sometimes you just have to cross something off your "to do" list and say, "Today, I need to put in some time for fun." Seriously, fun is not just a want, it's a NEED. We need to be able to enjoy life. If you are never doing something you love, something needs to be changed. You may think you don't have time, but eventually you will begin to slowly crack until doing something you love is an absolute must. Better to maintain than to repair.
- Keep moving. It can be beyond tempting to give up when things are hard, but giving up won't make things better. Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I'm not saying that you shouldn't say no to things that truly need to be cut away from your life (it's one thing to throw up your hands in surrender and forget about trying, and it's another thing to carefully consider the pros and cons and tactfully (and prayerfully!) reduce or eliminate something from your life). I am saying that you should stick with what's tough. Pull through. Today won't always be today, and that's a good thing! That means things will keep changing, and even if something is terrible today, eventually things will smooth themselves out. Life isn't static, so as long as you aren't static, your situation won't stay the same. It will change. Patience is the pits sometimes, but it's worth every second if the result is worth working for.
- Get yourself cleaned up. Something about taking a shower and doing your hair and makeup (if that applies) and dressed in something nice makes you feel more like YOU. Skipping these steps in your day may seem like a time saver, but I know on those days I feel even more down when I don't look "presentable". I can't really describe it in too much detail, but looking your best helps you feel better about yourself and in turn helps you feel better about life.
- Stop waiting for your golden ticket. This is a touchy one that can be taken the approached. Please know that I mean no offense to anyone in any way with this one. I will probably say as little as possible and suggest you actually go read an excellent talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf from the October 2011 General Young Women's Conference of the LDS church. It is entitled "Forget Me Not" (click to read). It is incredible and uplifting. I actually enjoy listening to it even more than reading it because he is such a powerful speaker. Here is the main idea: it is good to yearn for righteous goals, but we cannot and should not put our happiness on hold because we have not received that "golden ticket" we are looking for in our lives. The golden ticket may be a spouse, a new job, a remedy for a situation with a family member or friend. These are all good goals we should definitely strive to work towards, but we shouldn't say something like (although it may be tempting, and has been to me on a number of occasions), "I will be happy once I find my husband." It's not fair to yourself to wait to be happy. Find little ways to be happy NOW, and add them up together. It may not be like the happiness you will get from getting that goal achieved, whatever that goal is, but there is happiness out there waiting for you. And consider this: even if your goal/dream comes to you, there will be more challenges that come with that goal being achieved. Say, along with the marriage example, you get married. That's wonderful! But there will still be bills to pay, in-laws to handle, that new boss that's annoying you, the neighbor who's gossiping untrue things about you...you get the idea. Life won't suddenly be magic because you got your goal. I don't mean this as a downer, but to help point out that life will never be perfect, so we shouldn't wait for that "perfect" moment when we have everything we want to finally be happy. You should most definitely look forward to your "golden ticket," because it's something wonderful to be celebrated--just don't forget about all the other opportunities of life too. Wow, I said way more than intended.
- Talk about it. Talking to someone, even if they don't know you or the situation well, is really, really helpful. Another perspective, or even just getting what your worried about off your chest for that matter, is super helpful. Talking to more than one person is also great to get more than one different perspective. Talking out loud can even bring self-revelations that you didn't think about when you were just quietly contemplating your struggle. Talking is good.
- Remember, we're here to succeed, not to fail. Last, and most importantly, even if all the above don't work: be determined not to lose faith in God. God did NOT send us here to fail. Even if you don't believe it, tell it to yourself. Repeat it, one hundred times in your head if you have to. And maybe you still won't believe it in that moment. If you can't believe it in that moment, keep telling it to yourself, and one of these days, you will come to believe it, either by your own faith being rekindled, and/or by seeing God's hand in our life and being reminded that He really is there for you. He never leaves. Ever. And He always, always wants the best for us. Sometimes what's best for us is not the easiest, but looking back, we will be reassured that God was indeed there and had His hand involved in every moment of every day--we may just not have been able to see it clearly in those terrible moments.
There are plenty more things to do, but I felt like I've babbled plenty enough as is. I hope at least one of these is helpful to you out there.
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